Rewrite Your History -

Rewrite Your History - How To Change Your Past So You Can Live Fully In The Present

By Jennifer Ryan, M.Ed.

As I fumbled through some old files this evening, cleaning up my home office, I ran across a journal of quotes I’d started in 1994. (Ok, yes, I had quite a stack of books and papers I was going through.) I opened the journal, and right there on the first page was a quote that caught my eye and I knew I had to share it with you. It says:

“Immaturity is allowing someone else to author your history. Maturity is accepting the authorship of your history. You cannot change history, but you can write history.” This was a statement made by a professor in my Fall semester of college in 1994 – I was a Junior. I specifically remember this course and especially this professor, Dr. Anderson. As I read the quote, now 13 years later, I’m nostalgic, and am glad I ran across the quote.

So, I ran right into the kitchen where my husband was preparing dinner and was eager to read him this nugget of information – a blast from my past that is just as relevant today as it was then. He was confused. You might be, too. Let me give you my perspective…

What It All Means

Maturity, by definition, means being fully developed in body or mind; we all strive to become mature in our growth. We want to be grounded and centered in our thoughts and in our emotions; we want to feel as if we are somebody and that we’ve accomplished great things. We envision this coming from a place of maturity… “a time when.”

The problem with living in “a time when” is that we fall victim to the stories of our past and the inability to accept what is happening right now. The stories of our past… you grew up in a divorced home, you weren’t given the same opportunities as others, or you are the child of an alcoholic. Those are the stories we hold onto. We use them as excuses for who we are, what we’re doing, and how we feel. But, that is an immature process.

Create a New Label for Yourself

Maturity means accepting – and I mean really accepting – that your past is yours, and everything in it you created. Yes, you read that right – you created it. And I know this is a hard thing to hear, “What do you mean I CREATED the alcoholic parents I had?” Or, “There is no way I CREATED a childhood like that.” Well, no, you didn’t create the circumstances of your life (or maybe you did, but that’s for another article). But you DID create an emotion and a belief based on that circumstance. From birth through about the age of 18, you were a follower (well, except through the teenage years when most of us rebelled like crazy). But now that you’re an adult, you can no longer hang on to the stories of your past, if you

want to change your emotions of now.

You see, you can choose to rewrite the stories of your past – your perceptions become your reality. (Instead of, “I’m an adult child of an alcoholic”, how about, “I’m an adult child of a loving, caring Mother?” I mean, the reality for all of us is, there ARE positive times that you can draw from in your past – choose to dwell on THOSE and make a new label for yourself.) And when you CHOOSE to see what good came of the situations in your life, then you can move past the emotional upset you have today. It’s not the THINGS you’re holding on to, it’s the emotion. Unfortunately, it’s that emotion that is keeping you stuck where you don’t want to be – overweight, unsuccessful, broke, sad, irritable, etc.

Immaturity or Maturity?

The choice is yours. Immaturity or maturity? From this day forward, you must decide how you want to live your life – as one who has no control or one who has absolute control over your history, and your future, which will become your new history. If you truly want to move forward, you have to let go of the stories. Letting go is difficult, but it must be done, there is no other way.

I was talking to a colleague today who said he uses the Marine creed with his clients: Improvise, adapt, and then overcome. That is exactly what you must do, but first make the decision. When you are ready to move forward, you will. If you choose to remain stuck, you will. The choice is yours.

Thanks to Dr. Anderson, I learned an important reality on that hot Fall day in 1994, “Immaturity is allowing someone else to author your history. Maturity is accepting the authorship of your history. You cannot change history, but you can write history.” Will you choose to write yours?

Why Are People Rude?

by J. E. Brown

Why are people rude? Many of you ask that. Here's why:

• Some people are rude because their parents didn't teach them the rules, and furthermore, their parents didn't know all the rules, having never learned them from their parents. So it's not the parents' fault. I'm not saying it's a good excuse to remain ignorant, I'm just saying it's a cause.
• Schools don't teach manners. Strangely, the only job skill not taught in schools is the crucial skill of getting along with coworkers. One day, the schools will teach relationships, just as they now teach math, science, and history -- subjects whose knowledge is less likely to be used. Until then, though, ignorance of what hurts others will remain widespread.
• Parents tend to teach manners retroactively rather than proactively. In other words, they don't teach manners preventively. They don't give their kids a handbook of rules of good behavior; instead, they wait for their kids to break a rule, and then correct them. Unfortunately, this leads parents to use the same tone of voice when they lay down the law and when they bark the more arbitrary orders like "Clean your room!" In such families, rule-teaching is hard to tell apart from impulsiveness and volatility. This in turn leads to rebellious teenage behavior, once the child comes to assume that all rules of manners are fascist control tactics, not necessary guidelines to protect household property and relationships. This leaves the children permanently soured on the idea of studying manners. Parents cause this form of rudeness if they care more about rigid obedience than household harmony. {You're reading "Why Are People Rude?" by J. E. Brown.}
  Retroactive education also means that rules which are never broken during childhood never get taught, and so, are not passed from generation to generation.
• Some parents see "immaturity" as a phase, rather than a result of their own failure to provide relationship education. So, they leave their children to learn manners on the street.
• Some people learned their manners from sitcoms. They believe in the myth of the "funny rude" person. These people are those self-appointed clowns who try to get a laugh at any price, and of course the easiest way to get laughs is to insult others. They haven't yet discovered that the price of rude humor ranges from hurt feelings to divorce proceedings. On television, the victims of insults never get offended, never harbor hurt feelings -- how conveniently lucky for the insulters. But in real life, psychology doesn't work that way.
• Some people are naturally evil: rapists, tyrannical bosses, gangs, bullies, and so on. When bullies are asked why they bully other kids, they answer that seeing the victim cry gives them a rewarding rush. Bullies of all kinds do what they do because they feel they can get away with it -- before a bully will strike, he or she must see the victim as unable or unwilling to stand up for himself/herself or as uneducated in the techniques of self-defense. {Read this comp1ete article at http://users.aol.com/Relationshop/WhyArePeopleRude.html .}
• Some rudeness and abuse persists because of naive bleeding hearts who deny the existence of evil, who insist that all people are basically good. But by choosing to overlook wrongdoing, or by treating it as non-serious, this attitude of denial only promotes evil, by giving it room to grow.
• Some people don't want to be good to others -- they just want others to be good to them. Consequently, these people don't read about relationships to make sure they're treating others right.
• Rude and abusive people have apologists to defend them. Anna Freud called this phenomenon "identification with the aggressor." Some call it "The Stockholm Syndrome." It means making excuses for the wrongdoer, and is a behavior often seen in the friends of bullies, who go along with their powerful friends' mischief in order to avoid being the victims of it themselves. It's also seen in those people who shift blame away from the aggressor and onto the victims, by telling the victims, "Maybe you provoked the rape by dressing sexy" and "It's not your place to judge others" and "You should turn the other cheek" as well as (paradoxically) "Well, you should have stood up for yourself!"
  Challenging a bully can be dangerous; apologists find it easier to wimp out. Rare is the friend who knows the value of being loyal and taking your side; many "friends" find it easier to selectively point out the logic in the abuser's position. The abuser's right to free speech, for example.
  One reason why there are apologists: People tend to sympathize with those whose guilt they share. So, by defending the rudeness of others, they betray their own vested interest in not being blamed for having behaved similarly.
  If you doubt that anyone could be morally weak enough to defend the rude, watch what happens the next time you stand up to a bully. Bullies of course won't respond to anything less than nastiness and power; but the general population doesn't understand this. So, when you tell the story of how you stood up to a rude person and won, watch and see if your audience doesn't call you rude. See if they don't also ignore the bigger rudeness you were responding to. By chiding you, they encourage you to keep quiet and be a victim. Such remarks only serve the aggressor's interests.
  Look for friends who care enough to back you up. No one who cares about you will ask you to be a sheep.

Why are people selfish ?

cartoon picture from; http://www.generaljackassery.com/archives/2006/03/22/why-are-people-so-selfish/

Why are people selfish – people are selfish because they hope to get something without giving - hence they try the cheap way to succeed.

Which way you want to go when you are old ?

We visited to old couple who are my friend from Church last week. Their computer needs to clean various viruses and requested me to do so. They were having their lunch when we arrived at their home. They looks satisfied their lunch with only sandwiches and tea. They don’t seem rich. They don’t have valuable properties in their home. They live in only one bed room flat. But their face is clear and looks always happy. They always come to Church and make their mind peaceful. I think that they tried to keep away from greedy, selfish and anger. They know their way to go after they died. They believe that they will meet God in heaven after life.

At that time, I thought if they still want to get having a strong or big desire such as to be very rich people, to get high power, etc, even their old near or over aged 70, how can they make their mind peaceful and how can they keep their mind safe for life after they died.

Whatever age we are, we should always think about “NOTHING IS PERMANENT” but especially we must know and apply it when we are old like their age.

As we all know, it is the universal truth, you can't bring anything such as your wealth, your power, your family & friends, etc to the new life after you died. Only one you can bring is how much good things and bad things did you involve before you die. You will be judged to all the things you did. You can't avoid it. You must accept on it at that time.

One important thing, Please remember, You did it, You deserve it.

"The Reasonable Man and the Unreasonable One"

Another discussion tittle.
Don't you think it looks an attractive name?
But, once upon a time, that author was a remarkably attractive to not only most of female also some male. Believe it or not.
His nick name is "Ko Ko Gyi". Some of his closed friends called him "Ko Moe".

Here is little flavor to taste.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

Let's see. Is he a good speaker or not?

Corporal punishment is necessary?

Wooooooow!
What a wonderful name!
I don't know about others, for me...ready to discuss on this topic.
Do you know it from whom?
Nobody else! It's him !
U Thein Lwin..............!
Here is the tip ::::::
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Corporal punishment is necessary?

v Can we develop our children without corporal punishment to become a good man

Presented by U Thein Lwin
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"Commonsense and Leadership"

Hello Everyone!!!

Here is the another interesting topic.
It will come from from U Thein Lwin who was an "Honourable Speaker" when we were together at ACE.
We all were amazed whatever topic he talked to us.
Let's see he is still good speaker or not.
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Commonsense and Leadership

v Without commonsense, can someone be good leader or manager
v Commonsense is born or made

Presented by U Thein Lwin
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